I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
