Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
