Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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