Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize