My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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