I think I died a long time ago.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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