I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
