So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
