he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
