smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
