I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
