I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
