it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
