you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
