Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
