No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My breasts were aching with rage.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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