I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Randomize
