There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
