In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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