I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she looked like the before picture.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
