He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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