I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.