Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
