Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.