Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
