like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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