After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
