How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
