i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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