Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
