Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
