Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She bit a glass in half.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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