16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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