If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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