defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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