Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
