After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
