I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
