I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
