so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
