"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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