I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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