after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
