remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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