i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
