I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
