At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
