Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
