They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
