Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize