somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
