there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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