I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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