I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
