i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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