Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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