Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
