i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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