He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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