yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
