I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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