??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
