so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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