i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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