Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
