Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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